Today I am writing to you people that feel that you are, or simply “are” the third wheel in a relationship.
I work with many many women and men who are in or have been in such relationships.
Due to society’s take on such situations they silently suffer through this . It is a hard place to be. The unknowing. Some are happy to be just lovers. But this is few and far between. Given time as feelings grow it can become a huge challenge.
The important thing to remember in such a situation is, not too loose your inner faith and peace. And to avoid feeling lost and frustrated because of it.
Love is a very powerful thing and before you know it you can be totally consumed by your situation, even more than love itself. For human nature likes to be the center. To feel blessed and loved and admired. We don’t like sharing our center with other. Or feelings that we are not the center.
I have watched many programs of “Poly” relationships . In order to understand this dynamic. However even in these situations. There is a powerful pull from one partner to constantly be the center. Most times one or more the partners and not as emotionally invested or is more in control of their inner space and allows this cycle to happen. But most times, it ca cause deep resentment and anger.
As a counselor, I am not here to judge. But to try and bring clarity and peace to your spirit and your life. So that you may grow and be beautiful within and without.
It is hard to navigate with you in such storms of feelings. But I am good at this and take a loving yet kind attitude . With a deeper understanding of the feelings that you within you than the situation from which it has arisen. Feelings are the power source of creativity. It is the engine of God and we must recognize it and behold it for what it is.
The most important thing is that in this case, you don’t loose your “sense of self” You don’t end up feeling left out and hurt. It is not easy for someone who is dating a married man or women. They spend many evenings alone. wondering where their lovers are. Or if they are having a wonderful time with their family. This can be painful and be draining. Without knowing it you are now in a Karmic pain cycle. You get used to this feeling of lack or pain and it becomes more familiar to you than love itself.
Pain is born of love. and so this is not unusual. Recognize it. Then think back why you developed. feelings for your lover. Remember the good times and start to enjoy the good times once more in your head. Rather than create new fantasies that don’t give you much joy.
The feeling of LOVE is profound. If you can experience it, apart from the attachment then all the better for you. If you cannot do this. The next best thing is to constantly remember why you feel in love in the first place and then follow in your mind the happy moments you both shared.
This will bring about a better sense of peace and balance and will help you to move away from the ignominy of the pain.
There are many things in this life that will make you smile. Don’t forget to open your window and look outside. or you will lose the beauty of what God created for you. For in the eyes of our father.. we are all beautiful.
It is easy to pass judgment even in your own situation. Sometimes this is a redundant space in your mind. It is better used to create beauty. For judging only adds restrictions. But enjoying your heart is limitless.
There are some productive meditations and some music that you can find that is great for pain and healing. Look for them online.. don’t be afraid to experience many new ways to be grounded.
Also, I suggest eating and drinking what the eastern in me refers to as, “cooling foods” some examples are: cucumbers and melons, and coconut water to drink.
Then comes the next best food of love. Chocolate … just a bite and some grapes. These are generally mood enhances. and will give you just a little sugar high you need to get out of the doldrums. Then, of course, most importantly … gather your thoughts and feel and think apart from your situation. Try not to attach your thoughts in a singular way…. to it.
Walking helps. It is a yoga way and also a great way to relieve the stress of neglect in your life. Feel empowered by each step and grow stronger with each breath…..
So breath in your love and feel the freedom that spirit has given you . And be at peace. Be powerful and be blessed.
Thank you for letting be share, I wish you all great blissful Love.
Namaste. Dilani Diva